It's been 5 weeks 1 day since I landed on Earth. Since my arrival, my mission has been mainly to feed for survival, and I am very very hungry indeed. I am fortunate to have acquired two humans who seem bound in servitude to me, although I confess that I don't really know who they are.
Today, I awakened on my own in my darkened chamber just after midnight and decided that I fancied a midnight snack.
I issued a bright and cheerful command to my two humans, who were nowhere to be seen. They were most probably idly reposing in their quarters, although I had completely expected them to be at my instant beck and call. Nevertheless I'm absolutely sure they would have received my command strong and clear - I definitely waved about my tiny feet, made the requisite creaky sound, and stuck my tongue out and wiggled it slightly. Now how much more clearer can one make oneself?
When my lazy humans did not respond to my orders in a timely fashion - and mind you I had given them a largesse of time - a very luxurious WHOLE MINUTE - I was left with no choice but to shake my little fists and show them the extent of my howling rage.
The fine vocal display of my anger effectively sent both my humans, the hairy one and the milky one, scurrying over to me to ensure my undergarments were warm and dry and that I was finally to receive my milky snack in due time.
After a very agreeable sip with the milky one, I began to get a bit sleepy. This displeased me greatly, as I had only ordered to be fed, and not to be given a side of drowsiness, so I let the humans know of my displeasure which I am sure they were wholly responsible for causing!! ENRAGED!! I even gurgled aggressively and got a bit red in the face with rage to show them how unimpressed I was. I thought to myself, that will surely teach the humans to mess with my milk.
But no! The milky one foolishly responded by manhandling me into different undignified contorted positions and slapping me on the back - it definitely shocked me when these contorted yoga positions caused me to produce gaseous emissions from both the front and posterior - you can be sure that I immediately chastised my human for such ridiculous and unnecessary intrusions into my sleepy time.
Eventually I was reunited with my milk, and I decided to rest my head by the milk mountain, and this was wholly enjoyable.
I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes when suddenly I felt some movement - the milky one was trying to move me. I had issued no such order! I loudly let my human know that this movement was unauthorized by me. UNAUTHORIZED!!! My human persisted on dumping me in my cold sleeping quarters, but I flailed violently and shouted that this would not do. My human tried petting me on my leg but this was cold consolation for the milk I wanted, even though I kept falling asleep whilst sipping on it.
Eventually after much tedious complaining, my human got the message that petting and rocking would not fly with me, and so my human returned me to the warmth of the milk mountain where I could snack and snooze. Result achieved!
About an hour later I woke with a start and realised that I had been moved to my cold dark sleeping quarters without my knowledge. This must have been the unnecessary work of the milky one and the very moment I discovered it I vociferously let her know that this was unacceptable!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!! The milky one came running and returned me once again to the milk mountain where I could intermittently snack and snooze. Victory in my battle of wills, once again!
Two hours later, it happened again. I unexpectedly found myself alone in my cold dark bassinet, and had to shout again to be returned to the milk mountain, and then the milky one promptly returned to put me in the snack-and-snooze position I so desired.
And then would you believe it? it repeated itself again for the fourth time! An hour later, I found myself again in my cold bassinet and had to shout to have my demands heard all over again. Clearly it is necessary to put these indolent fools in their place by shouting my demands till I am red in the face; as I'm very sure that my shouting will leave them with absolutely no doubt as to what I want.
This time the hairy one lumbered blearily out too, asking the milky one "do you need my help???", but the milky one waved him away, before changing my undergarments and returning me to the comforts of the milky mountain.
By this time, the sun was beginning to rise and it was morning. Having had such an eventful night, I decided that now at 7am it was finally the right time for me to take my long nap of the day...
Today, I awakened on my own in my darkened chamber just after midnight and decided that I fancied a midnight snack.
I issued a bright and cheerful command to my two humans, who were nowhere to be seen. They were most probably idly reposing in their quarters, although I had completely expected them to be at my instant beck and call. Nevertheless I'm absolutely sure they would have received my command strong and clear - I definitely waved about my tiny feet, made the requisite creaky sound, and stuck my tongue out and wiggled it slightly. Now how much more clearer can one make oneself?
When my lazy humans did not respond to my orders in a timely fashion - and mind you I had given them a largesse of time - a very luxurious WHOLE MINUTE - I was left with no choice but to shake my little fists and show them the extent of my howling rage.
The fine vocal display of my anger effectively sent both my humans, the hairy one and the milky one, scurrying over to me to ensure my undergarments were warm and dry and that I was finally to receive my milky snack in due time.
After a very agreeable sip with the milky one, I began to get a bit sleepy. This displeased me greatly, as I had only ordered to be fed, and not to be given a side of drowsiness, so I let the humans know of my displeasure which I am sure they were wholly responsible for causing!! ENRAGED!! I even gurgled aggressively and got a bit red in the face with rage to show them how unimpressed I was. I thought to myself, that will surely teach the humans to mess with my milk.
But no! The milky one foolishly responded by manhandling me into different undignified contorted positions and slapping me on the back - it definitely shocked me when these contorted yoga positions caused me to produce gaseous emissions from both the front and posterior - you can be sure that I immediately chastised my human for such ridiculous and unnecessary intrusions into my sleepy time.
Eventually I was reunited with my milk, and I decided to rest my head by the milk mountain, and this was wholly enjoyable.
I must have drifted off to sleep for a few minutes when suddenly I felt some movement - the milky one was trying to move me. I had issued no such order! I loudly let my human know that this movement was unauthorized by me. UNAUTHORIZED!!! My human persisted on dumping me in my cold sleeping quarters, but I flailed violently and shouted that this would not do. My human tried petting me on my leg but this was cold consolation for the milk I wanted, even though I kept falling asleep whilst sipping on it.
Eventually after much tedious complaining, my human got the message that petting and rocking would not fly with me, and so my human returned me to the warmth of the milk mountain where I could snack and snooze. Result achieved!
About an hour later I woke with a start and realised that I had been moved to my cold dark sleeping quarters without my knowledge. This must have been the unnecessary work of the milky one and the very moment I discovered it I vociferously let her know that this was unacceptable!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!! The milky one came running and returned me once again to the milk mountain where I could intermittently snack and snooze. Victory in my battle of wills, once again!
Two hours later, it happened again. I unexpectedly found myself alone in my cold dark bassinet, and had to shout again to be returned to the milk mountain, and then the milky one promptly returned to put me in the snack-and-snooze position I so desired.
And then would you believe it? it repeated itself again for the fourth time! An hour later, I found myself again in my cold bassinet and had to shout to have my demands heard all over again. Clearly it is necessary to put these indolent fools in their place by shouting my demands till I am red in the face; as I'm very sure that my shouting will leave them with absolutely no doubt as to what I want.
This time the hairy one lumbered blearily out too, asking the milky one "do you need my help???", but the milky one waved him away, before changing my undergarments and returning me to the comforts of the milky mountain.
By this time, the sun was beginning to rise and it was morning. Having had such an eventful night, I decided that now at 7am it was finally the right time for me to take my long nap of the day...
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